Hackney Loonies Manifesto 2010
So there is a manifesto now and here it is -
We will ban the bendy bus. They are still too big and bendy - and they don't even make accordian noises as they go round the corners.
We want to bring in more cycle ways - across the rooftops of London. A big wide track along the top of Oxford St. for instance. Up there cyclists would be safe and the veiws would be great.
We will build more canals (which will be good for the unemployment figures) and promote the use of floating bicycles. See demonstration of the loony floating bicycle on The Thames by Knigel Knapp on 18th April
The Tories say vote for change. We say No ! - We will bring in a 99p coin.
Law & Order -
We will abolish ASBOs and instead superglue young offenders together . If you can't beat them - you're not allowed to - join them.
Housing & The Enviroment -
It's no use building new houses on flood plains - unless we also build some airports and runways. Then the flood planes will be able to take off, circle around for a bit and wait for the floods to subside.
SATs will be abolished. This is due to our concern with the rise in childhood obesity. Instead we shall introduce STOODUPs and RANAROUNDs.
Laughter is the best medicine
There isn't going to be a manifesto this time - Because there will be NO POLICIES.
A vote for the loonies is PURELY A PROTEST VOTE.
Well that's not entirely true. In fact it's a big fib.
- The trouble with policies is that they get nicked. It was Lord Sutch who first came up with the idea that people should be allowed to vote at the age of 18. And he was the first to campeign for the all day opening of pubs. Both these policies were eventually hijacked by the so called normal parties and have now become law. Since then we have got passports for pets, which was another loony idea originally.. And independent local radio, abolition of the 11+ exam and even devolution - all ideas first put forward by the MRLP.
- Even some of my ideas from my 2005 campaign have been nicked. Ban the bendy bus I said - and along comes Boris Johnson* who promises to do just that. Not that he has yet - but the 38 has reverted back to a double decker, along with others all over london . All we've got to do know is turn the 73 into a double decker once more and Church st. will be safe again.
- And my idea for removing all traffic lights has sort of been taken up by some authorities. Ok so they're not removing them all ( I still think that would make everyone drive more carefully - because they would have to!) but they have been removed from Exhibition rd., Sloane Sq. and on parts of Camden High st. - (along with some of the kerbs and the street furniture) in the hope that it make people slow down.
- So - will there be any policies in 2010? Well Go to www.omrlp.com for the party manifesto - frankly they are a bit nuts - but then what do you expect. And check out my manifesto from 2005 I'm recycling all my old proposals - see green too.
To be honest I can't be bothered - that's what we like - an honest politician!. The main reason to vote for us is to register your PROTEST VOTE
But if any of you have any loony ideas that you would like me to take on board then just let me know and they could well become policy
Oh look Jeff da Vinci has done just that. He says -
"I want to see cycle paths all over London - running over the tops of buildings. Just imagine a big wide track running over the rooftops along oxford st for instance. Up there we cyclists would be safe from all the other road traffic and the views would be magnificent."
Also he asks -
"Do you remember those vacum tube things they used to have in factories and offices used for delivering messages? I think they still have something simlar in supermarkets for delivering money up stairs. Well couldn't we build a much bigger version and use it for delivering freight all over the country?"
I think Jeff is after being our new transport minister - have to join the party first. See......
THE TORIES SAY VOTE FOR CHANGE. THE MRLP SAYS NO! - BRING IN A 99p COIN!
* I think Boris is secretly one of us really - put him in the right top hat and he looks just the ticket and we've all seem him on 'News for you' and other more recent tv appearances. - We know he's a looney